Exceptions

There is a phrase that my Type-A, rules-following personality simply hates to utter: “We CAN make an exception.” I loathe it. It is something I have to say after a deadline has come and gone for a retreat and someone wants to sign up two days before we leave. I want to say no. I want to be able to say “I’m sorry, I just can’t make any exceptions.” But I can. My ministry is small enough, and what I am doing is often nimble enough that (if you are a parent or student in my ministry I need you to immediately forget the next sentence after you read it) I can usually make all sorts of exceptions.

And that goes for other aspects of my ministry as well. We are small enough that I can change programming the night before an event with little or no logistical problems (and I have). I have often had to reimagine or replan weekly Bible studies or fun events, because attendance was radically different than I expected. Three times in my eight and a half years of youth ministry I’ve had a one person movie night. Twice (I think) I have cancelled an event because nobody actually showed up.

And larger than that – the basic structure of my weekly events have changed several times, and in significant ways, over my tenure at All Souls. My students from 2008 would have a hard time recognizing what we did in 2011, and those students would not really recognize what we do now. Our weekly programs ¹ happen on the exact same nights they always have. But what we do has changed a great deal. And I’d like to think that, at our best, we’ve changed things very intentionally.

Contextualization

The word I’d use to describe this process of making exceptions is contextualization. Making what we do make sense for the students that we have. Sure, in some ways we have changed because I have (presumably) become a better youth pastor and planner. But, at our best, we change our youth ministry because what our youth ministry does must work for a very unique group of students.

The total number of students I work with is at the highest level it has been since I started in youth ministry, and yet none of my weekly events brings is more than 15 students at a time. And those 15 students are incredibly different year to year. Two years ago, my high school house group was something like eight guys and two girls. Four of those guys were seniors and were influential members of the group. This shaped our Sunday evenings. This year, our group usually has something like six girls and two guys. And no regularly attending seniors. Clearly, what we do must look different this year than in 2013, if not for the simple fact that the room is populated with a very different type of person.

What some might see as an unfortunate consequence of having a small group, I see as a benefit. With the smaller number I can make exceptions. I can think about each of their individual needs as I lead discussions. I can actually be pastor to each of them. As a group increases in size, the ability to contextualize the work of ministry for any individual student becomes increasingly difficult. Extra structures have to be put in place to accommodate the fact that it is hard to disciple students through lecture. Gifted teachers can teach through lecture, and information can transmitted through a lecture, but discipleship requires interaction. Discipleship requires listening to your students and responding to them.

Speaking to the middle

What I never have to do (although, in my laziness, I sometimes end up doing) is to speak to the middle. I never have to have a generic lesson or program or event that appeals to generic “teenagers”. It is why I’ve never really spent much time taking curriculum that is printed by a national publisher and using it in my ministry. Because my students are not just generic, midwestern students. In fact, they aren’t even close to generic Wheaton North students. No students are, but when we minister to larger groups of students the law of averages begins to apply and we are no longer able to minister to any students in particular, just a large mass of “students” in general. We have to offer them pop music ministry that appeals to generic sensibilities, without ever having the chance to really disciple any of them.

Please don’t read what I am saying as a condemnation of large groups, or (even worse) some sort of plea to keep groups small. What I am saying is that what I love about my current ministry context is that I don’t have to figure out how to take a large group and build up the necessary infrastructure to do the contextualizing work of ministering. I don’t have to think of how to break them up into smaller groups ( Do I split by age? Gender? Favorite movie? Should I segregate them into nerds and jocks, like some 80s teen movie?)². I have a group that has a wide range of interests that all meet together, and I get to minister to all of them and each of them.

So what’s my is the point? To try and invert the picture of the ideal youth group. A group that is small doesn’t have enough students to host a concert or have some sort of mega event, complete with a stage and loud band. But a group that is small can do the things that actually matter when it comes to walking alongside students as they learn about Jesus the Messiah. And large groups should, in my opinion, be constantly envying and trying to emulate what small churches have in the ability to make exceptions and be flexible. In the ability to change plans and change programming. In my ability to tell the one student that shows up to my house for movie night that they are valuable enough for me to spend time with just them.

Maybe one day God will call me to work at a bigger church or perhaps our church and ministry will grow so that we aren’t flexible anymore. If that happens, I pray that I won’t see the new numbers and allow my ministry to flatten out into lowest common denominator ministry. I pray that anyone who has a large number of students would take their call seriously and make it their priority to ensure that they can minister and disciple all the students they are given the privilege to work with – and to work hard to make sure those students know they all matter.